Wow, it's odd to look at my own blog and realize that I have not contributed to our ever growing community in two months. The thing is, I am reading all of your blogs checking for new entries several times a day. I guess I have been in more of an intake mode than an output one. Things in my world have been pretty good. Finals are older and the holidays at Mom's house were fantastic. Dad's house, awful, but I was expecting it so i made the best of it, he's my Dad, I love him no matter what.
It's funny, the majority of my life is going really well. I am loving school, my friends, work, and being in my mid-20's. And if I forget about having diabetes EVERYTHING seems to be great or on its way to being great. The thing is, I do have diabetes and my decision to pretend that i don't is going to be a problem soon. I have days where I test once, a few where I didn't test. I get nervous and so I test 5 or 6 times for a day or two nad then fall back into the unhealthy patterns. I am putting off going to the endo because I am not wanting to a)have ehr see my bgs, and 2) do NOT want to get weighed, I have def put on some extra pounds. This is a bad and potentially dangerous habit to get into. I know that Dr. R (endo) would only be supportive. This has proven to be true multiple times over the last 12 years. In fact, she has stuck by me through much worse. In fact, I probably should go see her, it may up my chances of getting my shit together.
I know people wonder how a child of a man who went blind from diabetes at age 25 could ever let her diabetes get out of control. Obviously I know what could happen. Well, to those people I say, "I'm human and for the last 20 years I have spent the majority of my life exercising excellent control over my diabetes. Even the best of us struggle. It's normal." And I believe that. But I also believe that it needs to change. i need to test and exercise and I'll have to stop using my busy life as an excuse for "occationally" letting things slip. So, first, testing 4 times a day. A reasonable and attainable goal. Second, working out. I hate is, the gym is boring, but I really do feel better once I get into a routine. Maybe I can rope some friends into coming with me. Also, I will NOT compare myself to the other ladies in the gym. No use, it only makes me feel awful and it's silly. Third, while I have been eating better, i will continue to do so.
So there you go, my current diabetes life in a nut shell. It's a little out of control but I am feeling hopeful. I'll keep things up to date as best I can and I am making a resolution to lurk less and comment more. So thank you all for contributions to my D-life, you may not know it but you all are some of my greatest supports.
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2 comments:
Hang in ther Nicole. I've fallen off the "good diabetic" horse more than once. But you're a smart cookie and you'll figure out what's the best way to do things for you... oh, maybe I shouldn't say cookie....
I'll be thinking of you!
Caren
bad control was my way of life for the past 17 years with diabetes. (well, maybe when i was a kid and it was all up to my parentes it was in control). just less than a month ago i started trying to test more and am feeling good about it. of course it hasn't been too long, so i don't know if it will stick, but you sound like me. i avoided my endo for YEARS just because i didn't want to be weighed or i didn't want my hba1c tested.
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